Tag Archives: anxiety

Insecurity and gratefulness

After I was in hospital in 2017 for surgery for an ovarian cyst that was initially thought to be malicious, my life turned upside down. I physically made a speedy recovery but mentally I was made aware that existence is not something one can just take for granted. It filled me with insecurity about life and my own body. How could this happen to me while I was healthy all my life, while I was sporty, and lived a healthy lifestyle?

I had to learn to have faith again and trust in myself and circumstances when I planned my agenda. Sometimes my body let me down or sometimes my mind told me: ‘how can we really plan all these things? What if this and this happens?’. Anxiety starts from a place where one doesn’t embrace this insecurity but instead wants to control it. And this will and illusion to control everything has become a big part of how we live daily life in the Western world…

Ironically just when I was positive about all these things again and looking forward to some travels, society was hit by this corona outbreak. And now all of us are confronted with this basic insecurity of existence.

We have it all organised in Western Europe and our medical knowledge is at such a stage there are few things threatening us on a wide scale anymore, compared to the past. We tend to live in a pink coloured glasses world, planning trips and work and fun events and not paying much attention to bad things that could happen.

We sometimes don’t realise too much how special this really is!! Maybe it’s what the Old Greek called ‘hybris’: excessive self pride of men towards the ‘Gods’, us humans feeling immune to the downsides of life. Let’s all be thankful and humble about our existence on a daily base. Life is insecure. There are many things we can’t control. Let’s look forward to upcoming events, but realising every day how special it is that we can!


What would you do if you woke up tomorrow morning without any fears? Would you leave your job to go travelling? Would you phone the love of your life to declare him or her your feelings? Go for that super job that you always wanted? Buy the dream house? Start your own business? Take out that bucket list of experiences? Try this new hobby or sport? Ditch those addictions to become the best version of yourself? And why are you not doing it yet?

Quite possibly you tell yourself you don’t really desire any of these things so badly anyway and that you’re happy staying in your own comfortzone.  Fear and ‘not really wanting to’ tend to get mixed up in the mind. Well in my mind at least!

It’s interesting that in some situations we know very well what we want and we don’t hesitate. Like when I had surgery almost two years ago and I wasn’t sure of my health situation at all I became VERY focussed to use my time and money to record two CD’s. So the question is: would you still have the same hesitations to go for your dream if someone put a gun against your head or offered you a million euro’s if you would go for it?

It’s February already and 2019 is flying by. So it’s a good moment to check if you’re still heading where you want to go and where your own New Year’s resolutions are going. The moment is now! I’m excited to hear what little things you’re planning to do today to work towards your goals. Have a good Sunday!


The law of attraction

Let’s get a bit more spiritual! I’m sure many of you will have heard about The Law of Attraction, which means really wanting something with all of your heart – without doubts or fears – leads to the result of it becoming true. This largely has to do with positive thinking, really aiming for a result and fully trusting the process. Trust is the opposite of fear, and a positive mindset and a decent amount of determination always open doors. No mysteries so far, or are there?

A while ago I was chatting to one of my friends, about the risks we took realizing some of our greatest dreams. When I quit my well paid job as a lawyer to focus on music, I didn’t have a clue of how I was going to work this out financially. I just gave up my longterm work contract, not knowing exactly how I was going to pay the rent of my city centre apartment in The Hague. The first ‘miracle’ that happened was that my landlord rang the doorbell that same week to offer me a remainder of 6 months free stay, as he had other plans with the building. ‘Yes please, where can I sign?’

In the years afterwards I have gathered many more experiences like this one, which you might call ‘luck’, ‘accidence’ or ‘destiny’. The name doesn’t really matter. It’s about the feeling one gets in the meantime. It truly feels differently, living from a perspective of love, faith and inspiration, when usually all these good things start to happen, whereas living from a place of fear usually leads to a long road of bad experiences. Been there, done that, tried and tested haha!

It’s nice to know that there is always this choice though, even when it can be pretty tough to make the change when you’re on the wrong road. For example like years ago when my relationship in Ireland ended, I was devastated plus I didn’t have a home or income. One day I decided to go playing music on the streets, mainly to cheer myself up. After only one hour of busking I earned over 100 euros, I had met one of the Westlife singers who gave me money, and I got invited to play at a book release event, where I met a TV producer who asked if he could use my music for a TV production! Opportunities!

Or when I arrived to Ireland first and I just wrote a simple email to an info@….. festival address saying ‘hi, I am a Dutch musician and I live here now’, leaidng to a whole range of events getting a great booker, some festival gigs, many stays in a 4 star hotel with spa, great friends in the music scene and many local and international music collaborations!

Anyway, I am curious to hear of your own experiences! Do you believe in this Law of Attraction? How do you take responsibility for realizing your dreams? Have you also had the experience of the universe working with you to get you to places you had never imagined?